I’ve been in bed sick 2 days in a row.
I hate this :(
There will be good days, and there will be bad as well. There will be things that make me happy, and there will be things that make me sad. But those little things that bring me joy, like scoring high on a test I thought I did bad on, my mom making me a nice breakfast before school in the morning, or one of my favorite songs playing on the radio; that’s what I need to focus on. I need to stop dwelling on the past, and things I cannot have or change, and be thankful for what I do have, and what I can change.
This will take time, I know. Probably quite a long time. I will have days where I feel like giving up, and days that I feel on top of the world. It’s a challenge I will face everyday, and I’m up to it.
I won’t let depression and anxiety get the best of me.
I really love the songs from the Great Gatsby soundtrack on their own; not so much in the actual movie. If they were trying to stay “true to the book” the music should have been true to the time period as well. They shouldn’t have chosen the music of today; it should have been the music of the past.
However, Lana Del Rey’s song “Young And Beautiful” & Florence Welch’s song “Over The Love” fit the movie very well. Otherwise, I am disappointed that they were dancing to Fergie and The xx in a movie that is supposed to be taking place in the 20’s.
Great Gatsby itself, a beautiful film.
I feel like such a fucking failure. Even when I’m not sick I find myself unable to do the things I need to do, like schoolwork. Not just mentally, but physically; I feel physically unable to get out of bed, because I know when I do I’ll have to face the world and all its bullshit and deceit. Every thing is a goddamn lie. People only care about themselves in the long run. Everyone leaves, and fuck being yourself; you’re gonna get judged anyways by those same people that told you to be yourself. Real friends don’t exist. If you claim otherwise, you’re either crazy or you’ve found yourself a one in a million gem. Hold tight to that gem, because when the world gets sight of it’s beauty, everyone is gonna want a piece of it for themselves, and your gem is going to beam even more when they realize how much they’re wanted by the world. Then they’ll find someone much better than you, and you’ll be easily forgotten. That’s just how it works. It’s inevitable. I’ve been there, done that. I’ve been left behind for someone believed to be significantly better than I. And it fucking hurts. It’s a pain that you bear for all of eternity, because at the end of the day, when you’re alone in your bed staring at the ceiling above, surrounded by nothing but the black of the night and dead air, you are reminded once again that you weren’t good enough.
Just got home from the midnight showing of Great Gatsby with my best friend, where we dressed like flapper girls! (pictures soon to come) I was slightly disappointed with parts of the movie, but loved it over all! Minus getting weird looks for dressing up for the movie, but who cares?! We looked awesome, and felt awesome.